My husband is driving me crazy wanting to know what we are doing. Didn't I mention I wanted to pray for 30 days? Patience, grasshopper, Patience!
The doctor called us on Monday after our beta was 0. He said he would change a lot of things if we did it again. He said there were some egg quality issues, although the 2 embryo's that were transferred were day 3 8-cell grade 1 and day 3 8-cell grade 2. We had 6 others; one wasn't able to be fertilized, one did not grow after being fertilized (we used ICSI), and the 4 others were not great quality. We were told we had a 10% chance that any of the four would make it to blast-- one did so maybe we can beat the odds. He said he would use assisted hatching if we did it again as well as more antibiotics. He also said he would change the meds to help the quality but didn't give us specifics on that. I did have much more peace about everything after talking with him and having our questions answered. He said we should still qualify for shared risk so we may go that route (again, my husband wants to know "NOW" -- does it matter, we can't do it now-- we have to wait until May at least as I have a maternity leave I am covering and really can't miss any work until I am done with that coverage). Technically I was to start that coverage on the day we found out our beta so no time to do anything for at least 8 weeks. I need my job to afford this.
So, we are to today. My husband called me up at work letting me know that we could get a credit card with 0% interest. Wants to know if we should do that? Wait-- we don't need to do anything now. Honestly besides our house and my student loan, we have no debt. We were working on paying off the student loan and somewhat following Dave Ramsey's teachings. I don't want to charge my kids nor do I think God wants us to charge our kids. I think Todd is in a panic because it didn't work this time and he thought it would work. I never had a strong feeling about it this time, I wanted it to work but May has always been in my head. Two rounds full cost is cheaper than shared risk. I am not in a panic. I just wish he would allow me my 30-days-- even if we make every decision today, nothing will be done until May so there isn't an advantage of figuring out everything today.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
How did we get here?
My husband and I have been married almost 2 years. My first marriage at 31 and his second at 39. He was married for 15 years without any children and always was told it was due to him. When we first got married, I believed that God wanted us to have children. It was one of those things that Todd made known to me pretty early while we dated. He even had a name picked out and honestly I had to get used to it but it has since grown on me. The crazy thing is he had picked out 2 middle names which was what my grandmother named my homemade "cabbage patch like" doll when I was 5. So I thought it was fate that we would have a kid.
Since we had a late start, we tried right away, believing it would happen any day. We went to an urologist about 6 months in our marriage to determine if Todd could do anything to help his "swimmers". The urologist said it wasn't so bad but may take a few years. He gave Todd a supplement that didn't help much. We waited to see an OB/GYN who specialized in fertility issues almost a year after our wedding. He said we simply needed to do IUI and we would be pregnant in 3 months. (Doctors should not say that!)
During our third IUI attempt, which seemed perfect in a lot of ways, Todd had a heart attack after running a 5K. He actually was training for a marathon which he had done in the past. I found out the IUI failed while he was in the hospital. Let's just say, that was a bad time. Although he had a heart attack, you would never know it. He had 2 stents placed and an angioplasty completed, but was up driving the nurses crazy the first day. He was in ICU (since that was required after a heart attack) doing laps and begging for a shower. He only had 2 weeks of cardiac rehab before they kicked him out.
After our fourth IUI, we stopped. I was getting ready to return to the school system as I work as an occupational therapist in the schools. Our doctor recommended we try IVF. I prayed about it for almost 6 months. I really didn't want to do that as I thought God would simply give us this child that Todd dreamed about and I knew was destined to be. Each month went by and sadness continued. After about 3 months, we went to an infertility group. We learned a lot of information and since it was at our church, we were surprised about how many were going the IVF route. About 5 months into my prayers, we went to two different doctors that we found out about in our group. Todd was ready for IVF, I wasn't. The more we talked though, the more I thought God was leading us into this path. On Dec. 29, we started our first IVF cycle. Today we got the results: negative. I truly thought God was saying to go this route, so now I am confused. Todd is ready to do it again. I am ready to pray for 30 days for God's guidance of what we are to do.
I know we will have kids. I don't know how or when. I don't know if we will adopt (which has always been a desire of mine) or have them from my belly (which Todd is convinced is the way it will occur for at least one). I don't know and that scares me.
Since we had a late start, we tried right away, believing it would happen any day. We went to an urologist about 6 months in our marriage to determine if Todd could do anything to help his "swimmers". The urologist said it wasn't so bad but may take a few years. He gave Todd a supplement that didn't help much. We waited to see an OB/GYN who specialized in fertility issues almost a year after our wedding. He said we simply needed to do IUI and we would be pregnant in 3 months. (Doctors should not say that!)
During our third IUI attempt, which seemed perfect in a lot of ways, Todd had a heart attack after running a 5K. He actually was training for a marathon which he had done in the past. I found out the IUI failed while he was in the hospital. Let's just say, that was a bad time. Although he had a heart attack, you would never know it. He had 2 stents placed and an angioplasty completed, but was up driving the nurses crazy the first day. He was in ICU (since that was required after a heart attack) doing laps and begging for a shower. He only had 2 weeks of cardiac rehab before they kicked him out.
After our fourth IUI, we stopped. I was getting ready to return to the school system as I work as an occupational therapist in the schools. Our doctor recommended we try IVF. I prayed about it for almost 6 months. I really didn't want to do that as I thought God would simply give us this child that Todd dreamed about and I knew was destined to be. Each month went by and sadness continued. After about 3 months, we went to an infertility group. We learned a lot of information and since it was at our church, we were surprised about how many were going the IVF route. About 5 months into my prayers, we went to two different doctors that we found out about in our group. Todd was ready for IVF, I wasn't. The more we talked though, the more I thought God was leading us into this path. On Dec. 29, we started our first IVF cycle. Today we got the results: negative. I truly thought God was saying to go this route, so now I am confused. Todd is ready to do it again. I am ready to pray for 30 days for God's guidance of what we are to do.
I know we will have kids. I don't know how or when. I don't know if we will adopt (which has always been a desire of mine) or have them from my belly (which Todd is convinced is the way it will occur for at least one). I don't know and that scares me.
The Results
Well it's been almost a two month process but we learned the results of our IVF cycle today. It was negative; we aren't pregnant. This wasn't a complete shock to us since Beth started her period yesterday. The blood test today was just the punctuation point on what we already knew.
So now we both have so many thoughts going through our head. Doubt, sadness, and a desire to try again make up our conversations. The doctor called us while we were at Wal-Mart to tell us we didn't get the desired results (no kidding) but now we have a list of questions for him before we try again. So now it's all about waiting again. Waiting for them to call us back, waiting to try again and waiting for children that we both know we will have.
So now we both have so many thoughts going through our head. Doubt, sadness, and a desire to try again make up our conversations. The doctor called us while we were at Wal-Mart to tell us we didn't get the desired results (no kidding) but now we have a list of questions for him before we try again. So now it's all about waiting again. Waiting for them to call us back, waiting to try again and waiting for children that we both know we will have.
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