Bothered by comments

When ever infertility comes up, it seems someone always has a story. Tonight, we heard a story on how everyone she knew who tried infertility treatment, only one ever had success. She told us that all the others had kids once they gave up. I love those stories, they are so encouraging! NOT! These people hear these stories because they are the "miracle" stories that everyone talks about-- they are not the stories of "we tried a few treatments and it worked!"


When we talk about praying about our decisions, it seems like we get the "God will provide." I believe God will provide... but that doesn't mean that God only wants you to have kids if we do nothing-- how many cocaine addicted moms did God want children to go to?? Does God want us to adopt? Oh, another popular belief is that once you adopt, you will get pregnant. Only 5% of people who adopt due to infertility go on to have a biological child (and honestly I know of one but they did IVF). Comments like that are hurtful. It is like telling someone who just lost a loved one, we should be happy that they are in a better place. I know that people are saying things because they think they are encouraging. We need to educate these people that what they are saying while meaning well is not what someone needs to hear at the moment.


My last comment that hurt me is from my family member. She didn't directly say it to me but rather to another family member and I found out in a weird way. Anyway, the comment was "we desperately want kids." This person knows very little about any treatments we have tried nor any real details. She only knows we wanted to have kids. I guess she assumes this since we don't have kids yet. When I think deperate, I think someone who is consistently doing treatments or only thinking about kids. Neither are us, I want kids but I also am living my life. I will not go in debt to have kids nor will I sacrifice my beliefs or "do anything" to have kids. Maybe I just don't know what desperate means.